I define a sexist noun as one that unnecessarily calls attention to a person's sex.   Why is that a problem?   It's because the noun suggests without basis that a person's sex is relevant to the identified role.  That can marginalize, trivialize, or demean women. 

            For example, a word like "actress" marginalizes female performers, making them seem different from the norm of "actors."  Recognizing this problem, many female performers now refer to themselves as "actors."  Similarly, a judge I knew attempted to trivialize women lawyers by calling them "lawyeresses."  And the terms "bachelor" and "spinster" demean single women by connoting that a bachelor is a desirable companion, while a spinster has simply failed at attracting a man.    

            With a little effort, a writer can adopt more gender-neutral language.  Here is a partial list of substitutes for sexist nouns:

 

Sexist noun	Nonsexist substitute
actress	actor
chairman, chairwoman	chair
comedienne	comedian
executrix	executor; personal representative
fireman	firefighter
newsman	newscaster; reporter
poetess	poet
policeman, policewoman	police officer
saleswoman	salesperson
stewardess	flight attendant
testatrix	testator
waiter, waitress	server
weatherman	weather forecaster

 

           Gendered kin-terms fall into in a different category.  "Mother" and "father" are appropriate because they convey parents' distinct biological roles.  Even "sister," "brother," "aunt," and "uncle" still remain appropriate.  Thus I would not avoid the gendered word "uncle" by writing an absurdity like "My parent's sibling came for dinner on Sunday."  And although there seems to be less reason to distinguish between "King" and "Queen," I continue to use these terms.  Referring to "the ruler and the ruler's spouse" seems disturbingly sterile. 

                                      --The Word Aficionado